Photo: Bravo/Laurent Bassett/Bravo
So long, Captain Lee… for now, for his plane ticket home is round trip. I have it on good authority from Bravo that Captain Lee does return later this season and that Captain Sandy is simply stepping in temporarily as a relief captain. And I’ll be honest: I’m bummed. After the latest season of Below Deck Mediterranean, I got Captain Sandy–pilled. I love her, and so does Katie. She’s getting these suckers into tip-top shape.
The crew sees Captain Lee off … all except for — surprise, surprise — Camille. When Fraser finds her later and informs her that she missed saying good-bye to Cap, she responds that it’s because she was “busy being fucked with.” In this case, “being fucked with” directly translates to “being told to do a job.” Fraser tells Rachel he needs a plan for Camille. Here’s one for free: Fire her.
In the laundry room, Camille literally tosses towels instead of correctly sorting them, and this just about does it for Alissa. Alissa vents to Hayley, only for Camille to walk in on them and ask if they’re talking about her. I have to give it to Alissa for owning up to her shit-talking in this situation. Alissa is up front with what’s happening but says she isn’t ready to talk about it. Camille pushes the issue until Alissa has no choice but to spill. Camille, of course, doesn’t react kindly to the news that she’s lazy and informs Alissa that she could do Alissa’s job better than she can. She proves this by drinking alone in the galley while wearing sunglasses at 10 pm She proves this again the next day by demanding that Ross put her on deck after she decides she’s over doing laundry. “I didn’t sign up for yachting to do fucking laundry,” she proclaims, to which I say … tell that to Natalya!
Ross tells Camille to calm down and be respectful, and she responds by kissing him out. We later learn that she was expelled from high school, and I can’t say I’m surprised. I am so relieved when Captain Sandy dresses her down and puts her to work. She tells Camille to do the laundry while she, the captain, is mopping the galley floor. Camille complains to Alissa about her assigned task without knowing Captain Sandy is standing right there. She then tries to backtrack by blaming her faux pas on Alissa, claiming that she was merely filling in Alissa since Alissa gets mad when she doesn’t know Camille’s whereabouts. This epically fails because it’s a blatant lie to save her shit-talking ass. Alissa addresses this to Captain Sandy, who reassures Alissa that she’ll handle it. She lets Alissa go to bed. I am not sure why Alissa later reads this as Camille scoring more bonding time with Captain Sandy. I see this as Captain Sandy graciously letting Alissa off early and dealing with the dirty work herself, which she does. She confronts Camille directly and asks her if she wants to be on the ship. I have to laugh when Camille replies with a resounding “yes.” Like, do you? By the way, I still have no idea if Camille actually started that load of clothes!
My only complaint about Captain Sandy is her screwing with Tony’s sleep schedule. I actually think it’s a good thing that she has the crew on anchor watch instead of the engineers handling it. Yachting experts, please correct me if I’m wrong! But that schedule change is brutal, especially for poor Tony. He brings it up to Boss Ross in a respectful but serious way. The thing is, I believe that Captain Sandy is amenable to switching up the schedule, so I’m confident they’ll have this sorted. And in my eyes, they have to, because I’m low-key worried that Tony will snap if he doesn’t get his morning workout in.
Katie is a huge fan of Captain Sandy and her girl boss energy. I hope she learns a lot and gains a mentor from this. My favorite mini moment is when she tells Tony to mind his head because he’s tall and standing right in front of Captain Sandy! This was so cute, IDK! Also, learning that Katie saves inspirational quotes to read in the morning endears me to her. I really want to save her from Ross, who, judging by the preview of next week’s episode, goes for Camille in the hot tub. He is so nasty and disgusting and slimy, and all the girls, even Camille, deserve better than gross glances and creepy come-ons.
Yes, there was a fire alarm during dinner service, but my favorite meal moment has to go to tennis champ Gigi Fernández prompting her guests to tell the group the coolest thing they’ve ever done. She starts, of course, and says meeting the queen of England and then playing tennis in front of her at Royal Albert Hall. Her wife, golf professional Jane Geddes, follows and says the coolest thing she has ever done is witness her wife give birth to their kids. That is, in fact, the only way to win this game and make your wife look like an asshole in the process.
Hayley takes the cake this week with a smattering of smutty sentences:
• “When people say the key to a good relationship is communication, it’s not. It sucks dick.”
• “Only boatmance I’ve ever had is with an electric toothbrush.”
• “Any vibration is a good vibration, isn’t it?”